Odd News, Odd Pictures, Odd People

This was first discussed 18 years ago. Let’s take a look and see how to shoot yourself in the foot using a programming language in 2009.

First you don’t even know nor care what the hell Modula-2, FORTRAN, BASIC or COBOL is.

JAVA
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.

AWK
You shoot yourself in the foot in no time, but then you realized you used 100 guns, 230 bullets, and 23 feet… what a waste.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

HTML+CSS
You have everything you need, but the gun cannot shoot in a different div and your foot doesn’t fit in the same div with the gun. You remember some old html tricks and manage to do the shooting. After a while you realize that Errors found while checking this document as XHTML 1.0 Transitional!

PHP
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.

Python
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.

ASP.NET
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

Linux
Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

It’s an annual event held at Cooper’s Hill in Brockworth, England. It used to be attended only by locals, but now many people from around the world are interested and some of them even participate. The rules are very simple: from the top of the hill, a round of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled and competitors chase after it. The first to reach the finish line, wins. Sometimes competitors and even spectators get injured, therefore some paramedics are always around.

A beer tester is someone is paid to taste beer to approve new and existing flavors.
It is said that wine testers smell, taste then spit out, but beer testers have to swallow to get the full flavor. Imagine how they feel at the end of the day.

Wonder what the old romanian lady says?  “Alin, don’t break the axe!”

… and she’s very serious about it.

This seems like a great way to get a headache! Just dive head first in a big pothole in the middle of the road. You might, however, regret your actions when you wake up in the morning…

It seems drinking and diapers don’t mix. A man who somehow lost his pants after a night of binge drinking ended up passed out on the floor of a 92 year old woman’s house while wearing her Depends disposable undergarments.

This extremely drunk individual broke through her window and put on the woman’s diaper and then promptly went to sleep. The elderly lady was away for the night, but returned early in the morning to find the strange man laying on her floor. She screamed and called for help and when the cops arrived they knew they had their baby, er, man!

The diaper thief was eventually fined and given a time out for bad behavior…

http://thechronicleherald.ca/Front/1106235.html

Odd stories are all over the news lately. Planes being taken down by flocks of geese. Women giving birth to more kids than a chicken lays eggs. What’s going on? Are we going crazy? Is the world getting weirder or does it just SEEM like it?

It’s hitting close to home too. Recently, an old man living down the road from me got attacked by a giant flying turkey. Or at least it LOOKED like one. It was a BIG BIRD either way. I think I’ll just hide under the covers. Wake me up when the insanity has ended…

GUANGZHOU: A man in Zhongshan, Guangdong province, “married” his dead girlfriend at a funeral parlor on Monday, Southern Metropolis Daily reported on Tuesday.

The bride, Yan Lin, 26, was was killed in a traffic accident earlier this month.

“I want her to be my wife, even though she is not in this world any more,” the bridegroom, who only identified himself as Samuel, said.

Yan worked as a sales manager in Zhongshan. She and Samuel, in his late 20s, had dated for three years.

During the ceremony, Samuel koutowed to his father and Yan’s mother, a traditional marriage rite that signifies the groom will look after the bride forever.

A chicken was placed beside Samuel to represent the bride.

Wedding ceremonies for dead people have taken place in Zhongshan for centuries, and chickens are usually used to represent the deceased.

During the ceremony, Samuel also placed a wedding ring made of paper on Yan’s finger and then kissed her hand.

“I am now not able to give you a better life; let’s meet each other in heaven. I will marry you again in the next life,” Samuel told Yan.

Samuel and Yan bought a house and planned on getting married next year.

However, all their dreams were shattered when a car crashed into Yan’s motorcycle on Sept 3.

Both came from Sichuan province and graduated from the same college.

But their love did not blossom until they came to Zhongshan.

“I met her for the first time in Zhongshan through a friend six years ago, but we only started dating three years ago. She was a very kind person and very filial to my parents,” Samuel said.

He said in the past year he had been through some difficult times, but Yan was always there to encourage and support him.

Samuel said although it was not a legal marriage, he would keep all his promises he made to Yan before her death. He would take care of her parents as a dutiful son-in-law.