Odd News, Odd Pictures, Odd People

After 50 years without any clear evidence, United Kingdom decided it’s wise to close down the UFO hotline.

This was first discussed 18 years ago. Let’s take a look and see how to shoot yourself in the foot using a programming language in 2009.

First you don’t even know nor care what the hell Modula-2, FORTRAN, BASIC or COBOL is.

JAVA
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.

AWK
You shoot yourself in the foot in no time, but then you realized you used 100 guns, 230 bullets, and 23 feet… what a waste.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

HTML+CSS
You have everything you need, but the gun cannot shoot in a different div and your foot doesn’t fit in the same div with the gun. You remember some old html tricks and manage to do the shooting. After a while you realize that Errors found while checking this document as XHTML 1.0 Transitional!

PHP
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.

Python
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.

ASP.NET
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

Linux
Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

It’s an annual event held at Cooper’s Hill in Brockworth, England. It used to be attended only by locals, but now many people from around the world are interested and some of them even participate. The rules are very simple: from the top of the hill, a round of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled and competitors chase after it. The first to reach the finish line, wins. Sometimes competitors and even spectators get injured, therefore some paramedics are always around.

A beer tester is someone is paid to taste beer to approve new and existing flavors.
It is said that wine testers smell, taste then spit out, but beer testers have to swallow to get the full flavor. Imagine how they feel at the end of the day.

Wonder what the old romanian lady says?  “Alin, don’t break the axe!”

… and she’s very serious about it.

This seems like a great way to get a headache! Just dive head first in a big pothole in the middle of the road. You might, however, regret your actions when you wake up in the morning…

It seems drinking and diapers don’t mix. A man who somehow lost his pants after a night of binge drinking ended up passed out on the floor of a 92 year old woman’s house while wearing her Depends disposable undergarments.

This extremely drunk individual broke through her window and put on the woman’s diaper and then promptly went to sleep. The elderly lady was away for the night, but returned early in the morning to find the strange man laying on her floor. She screamed and called for help and when the cops arrived they knew they had their baby, er, man!

The diaper thief was eventually fined and given a time out for bad behavior…

http://thechronicleherald.ca/Front/1106235.html

Odd stories are all over the news lately. Planes being taken down by flocks of geese. Women giving birth to more kids than a chicken lays eggs. What’s going on? Are we going crazy? Is the world getting weirder or does it just SEEM like it?

It’s hitting close to home too. Recently, an old man living down the road from me got attacked by a giant flying turkey. Or at least it LOOKED like one. It was a BIG BIRD either way. I think I’ll just hide under the covers. Wake me up when the insanity has ended…